Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
