he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
