I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
