I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
