"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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