If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
