please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
