lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
