Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
