This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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