Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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