i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
