I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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