im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
