Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
