He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
