Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
