you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
