Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
