Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
