i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
