if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
