time to smoke my breakfast
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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