Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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