I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
