whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
