Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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