yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
