Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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