drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
