3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
