I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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