Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize