Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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