I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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