he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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