just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
