well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
