i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
