watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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