So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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