oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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