Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
