I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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