apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
