Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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