Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
