Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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