This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
