I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
