he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
