You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize