Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
