I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
