I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize