At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
