mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
