I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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