onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
