Where did you get a picture of my penis
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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