I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
