my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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