So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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