Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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