I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
