bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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