So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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