someone threw a dead crab at me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
did i walk over a car last night?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
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