Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
