we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She bit a glass in half.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
