My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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