I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
