I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
