White coat. Heels.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
