party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
