My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
