Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
