so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
