My liver just broke up with me...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
