She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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