I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do vagina's smell?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
