Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
not ubering you a puppy
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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