I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
