Where is the hickey?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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