My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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