i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
