I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
