i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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