so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
