I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
