We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
