No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
