he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
