She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
