hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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