i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
