First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
