I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
