I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
