We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
