Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Randomize
