I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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