I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
