Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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