He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize