I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
