She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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