I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
