Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
