Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
