oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
