Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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