I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
