i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i dont even know how to be here
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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