why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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