You smell like a Billy Joel song
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
is it fun? or sober?
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