I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
