My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
